Insight
Outsmarting Yourself: How Solomon’s Paradox and Distant Self-Talk Can Transform Your Self-Development
Have you ever given a friend life-changing advice… but struggled to follow your own wisdom?
That’s not just human inconsistency—it’s a well-documented psychological pattern called Solomon’s Paradox.
Named after the famously wise King Solomon, who offered sound advice to others but reportedly made foolish decisions in his own personal life, this paradox shows up in all of us. When we counsel others, we access our higher reasoning, detachment, and emotional clarity. But when we face our own dilemmas? Our objectivity goes out the window.
This gap between how wisely we reason for others vs. how poorly we reason for ourselves is at the heart of Solomon’s Paradox. But here’s the good news: we can hack it.
The Science Behind Solomon’s Paradox
Research by psychologist Igor Grossmann found that people reason more wisely—more strategically, more objectively, and with greater emotional balance—when solving other people’s problems than their own. But when asked to pretend they were advising a friend instead of dealing with the issue directly, their responses improved significantly.
The solution? It’s not to give up on self-reflection. It’s to change the frame.
Enter: Distant Self-Talk
One of the most powerful techniques to sidestep Solomon’s Paradox is distant self-talk—the practice of talking to yourself in the third person or using your own name when reflecting on a challenge.
Instead of asking:
“What should I do about this situation?”
You’d ask:
“What should Teronie do about this?”
Or:
“How can he best move forward given what he knows?”
This small linguistic shift creates psychological distance. It quiets emotional overwhelm and allows your wiser, more objective inner voice to step forward.
Why Distant Self-Talk Works
Reduces Emotional Intensity
When you refer to yourself as if you're talking about someone else, it tricks the brain into disassociating slightly from the problem. This doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings—it means gaining enough distance to manage them better.Activates Your Inner Coach
You already have the wisdom to help someone through difficult situations. Distant self-talk allows you to access that voice for your own benefit, rather than only offering it to others.Boosts Self-Compassion and Resilience
We tend to be more understanding with others than we are with ourselves. Speaking to yourself in the third person creates a buffer against negative self-talk and increases emotional regulation.Improves Problem-Solving
With less emotional fog, you can weigh pros and cons more rationally, consider long-term consequences, and avoid impulsive decisions.
Putting It Into Practice
Here’s how to start using distant self-talk to sidestep Solomon’s Paradox and become your own coach:
1. Name the Problem, Name Yourself
Instead of journaling “I’m feeling stuck in my job,” try writing:
“Teronie is feeling stuck in his job right now. What advice would I give him if he were my client or little brother?”
It automatically activates your problem-solving brain and emotional wisdom.
2. Voice Note It Out Loud
Record yourself talking through an issue as if you were giving advice to a friend—except that friend is you. Use your name. You’ll be surprised at how calm, confident, and clear you sound when you're removed from the emotional immediacy.
3. Create a “Future You” Dialogue
Ask: “What would future Teronie—2 years wiser and more successful—say about this situation?”
This version of you has been through the fire and come out stronger. Let that voice weigh in.
4. Use It in the Heat of the Moment
Feeling triggered or overwhelmed? Pause. Take a breath and say, “What does Teronie need right now to feel centered?” or “How can Teronie respond in a way he’ll be proud of tomorrow?”
This calms the nervous system and gives your higher self a chance to lead.
Why This Matters for Self-Development
Solomon’s Paradox reveals that wisdom isn’t just about intelligence—it’s about perspective. The more emotionally entangled we are in a situation, the less wisely we think. But using distant self-talk helps us flip the lens, act as our own mentor, and make decisions from a grounded, growth-oriented mindset.
For those serious about personal development, distant self-talk is a low-tech, high-impact tool. You don’t need a coach in the room. You just need to become one for yourself.
Final Thought:
When the pressure is on, don’t just ask yourself what to do—ask what someone wise would advise you to do. Then say it out loud using your name.
You might be surprised to find… the wisest person in the room is already in your head.
Watched
1. Saving is not investing.
2. Stop following your passion.
3. Practice. Practice. Practice.
4. Treat your career like an investment portfolio.
5. Move where the opportunities are.
6. Understand the difference between equity and salary.
7. Humble yourself and get a mentor.
8. Have an emergency fund.
9. Form your own FBI (Financial Bureau of Investigation)
10. Forget the American dream.
11. Get financially literate.
12. Automate financial transaction.
13. Go analog.
14. Think of failure as a friend.
15. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
16. Don't play the victim card.
17. The most important decision: THE PARTNER
18. Forgive yourself for the past.
19. True value is what you bring to others.
20. Your happiness equation!
Book of the Week
Strategy
"The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest minds of past centuries." — René Descartes
Descartes’ quote captures a powerful truth: every great book is a doorway into the mind of someone who spent years—sometimes decades—thinking deeply about a subject. When you read strategically, you’re not just flipping pages; you’re sitting down with history’s greatest thinkers, learning from their experiences, mistakes, and insights without needing to meet them in person.
Think of reading as time travel for wisdom. You can explore how Marcus Aurelius cultivated inner peace while leading an empire, how Sun Tzu approached strategy and conflict, or how Maya Angelou channeled emotion into resilience—all within a few hours. These authors aren’t speaking at you. They’re in dialogue with you, if you’re reading with intention.
How to Use This as a Strategy
Curate Your Conversations: Be intentional with what you read. Choose authors who align with the skills, mindset, or insight you want to develop.
Ask Questions While You Read: Don’t passively consume. Ask, “What is this author trying to teach me? How would I respond if they were here?”
Reflect and Respond: Treat reading as the first half of a conversation. Write about it, talk about it, apply it. That’s how wisdom sticks.
Build Your Inner Board of Mentors: Fill your bookshelf with thinkers who challenge and inspire you. Return to them often—just like you would a trusted advisor.
Strategic reading isn’t just about learning—it’s about engaging with greatness to elevate your own thinking. Descartes reminded us: the wisest minds are still speaking. All we have to do is listen.
Question
What was your biggest win this week?